by Sherry Cavallo
The other evening my husband and I were at a party (the birthday cake and ice cream kind) but one of those affairs that grownups attend where you’re expected to come up with more than one syllable words after cooing to an infant and conversing with a toddler all day.
“So,” someone asked my husband, “How did you get into your line of work?” My husband had no trouble with this question, having answered it for years with a well-rehearsed answer. “Amazingly, I had no training. Once I passed the interview, the company provided all my training”. I, on the other hand, never have anything well rehearsed to say, unless it’s how I potty-trained my eldest son (who basically did it himself) or how the younger son resisted any mention of using a chair with a hole big enough to swallow him up.
When I answered, what would I say? I’m not going to apologize for being a stay at home Mom, but the thought began to intrigue me. What was my training? I don’t remember going for any advanced classes, not in Mothering 101 anyway. Well, come to think of it, there was this 9-month crash course I took.
I remember my obstetrician's gleeful announcement at the birth of Vincent that put me into a new job with no prior experience and no training. Struggling with the demands of motherhood during the first month, my own mother tried to console me,”It’ll get easier, she assured me. Just take it one day at a time.” One day at a time?! Was she in her right mind? During the first few weeks I didn’t notice much difference between day or night. A mother with a baby doesn’t have much perception walking around in a stupor from lack of sleep.
My pediatrician smiled. He never was a mother. “You look like you are handling motherhood very well,” he said. I looked at him with glassy eyes and struggled to comprehend just what he meant by this. He can’t be talking to me! I’m just hanging onto my sanity by a thread. The responsibilities of my new job seemed overwhelming-- especially the part about on-call night work.
The midwife had empathy too, “Well, a lot of motherhood is fantasized,” she admitted. Did I ever come to learn about what an understatement that was! Reality started with back pains which haven’t left yet. All my early years I ate up the media’s image of motherhood-- the new mother sitting in a fully decorated nursery, blissfully rocking her baby (always during the middle of the day) clothes neatly folded on the changing table, a fresh stack of diapers in the holder. Her hair was fluffy, clean and styled. Where was this woman? I’d like to meet her.
For me those days are far behind. The pitter-patter of little feet are now stomping around or maybe the welcome sound of grandchildren’s muddy shoes.
But strangely those sounds are more and more like beautiful music and as the years go by I realize there will come a time when I won’t hear so many footsteps in the house and soon all will be too quiet.
I’m still getting on-the-job training with some help from my own dear mother. I must say that the job is constantly challenging and ever changing. As a matter of fact, I like my job very much. I think this job is the best one for me. I hope you're enjoying yours too.
Happy Mother's Day!
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Sherry Cavallo practices motherhood in Altadena.
